Of Flowers and Honey Bees.

“and here goes my story.”

self-proclaimed

Jan 27, 2012 || 1:19 AM

Heyy! Will be updating soon. I'm still in holiday mood now, as I have self-extended my off days to a whole week! :P Currently busy with the new load of games I picked up and I need to finish like, three novels I borrowed from the library and its due beginning of feb.. :/ tataas! will post on my cny trip soon!

. Scribbled at 1:19 AM |

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Muses

Jan 19, 2012 || 9:30 PM

Yesterday, le random wild thought appeared in my head that I may be a tad anti-social..

Only until recently when I had to explain a lot of whatever I meant I said then I realized most of the time people were not following my train of thoughts.

And that, of course, can only stem from me not expressing myself enough.

Often than not, I hold conversations and silently rebuke people in my head and somehow my brain convinced itself that I had actually talked a lot. Well, so technically I did socialize.. in my head.

So i asked bf : Am I considered talkative?

He told me: Nope, quite quiet.

Me: But you always tell me I irritate you!

Him: Yeah, you're very noisy in front of me, but you're not that outgoing elsewhere.

Me: What about me compared to *a few girls* then? who's quieter??

He went: They are not considered quiet at all?!

And that got me thinking.

Well, I'll admit I don't feel the need for socializing- that's my explanation to people who have thousands of fb friends and hundreds of twitter followers and are constantly texting/FB-ing/tweeting- and I don't feel like joining lame conversations (which constitutes 90% of all conversations, really, I see no point.)

and small talk..(U mad?)

I honestly wonder how these people do it. I'd start getting worried that i'll get awkward moments not knowing what to say and offending people or all that bullshit if I acted like them. Not that it didn't happen before, because half the conversation was done in my mind. And even if I do get by doing it, I'll prolly start to chide myself for being fake all the time.

I thought I did it once. But I had to pull myself under again. all in a year's work.

But as bf tells me, if you don't conform to society, they will naturally expel you, its a fact of life - I was lamenting on the fact that I couldn't behave/dress/talk as I wished around everybody, and we almost got into an big argument on that. Well okay it happened once.

Oh seriously, why haven't I come to a conclusion(or in the least, acceptance) on why are things like this? I know there's two sides to everything, and there will always be someone who doesn't like what you do/judges you/whatever.

It's real fucked up, especially when you see people being all chatty and social then it makes you wonder, how does it feel?

Knowing that half the faces around you are probably masks and more plastic than barbie?(by plastic i mean fake, not surgery.) No, I do not like it at all.

I know a few individuals that are always surrounded with people, different people everyday in fact, but behind their backs their 'close' friends are always talking and bitching, or simply forgetting about them entirely. I don't know which is worse.

But I don't know whether if its just them being thick skinned and fogging through it all, or they are really that blissfully unaware of the backstabbing going on.

Maybe, maybe its all that paranoia that's leading me on. But well, it didn't turn me into a dumbass foreveralone either.

I get my fair share of haters- minus the friends, and how did that come about? I wonder.

because there will always be few groups of people that despise me for whatever reasons they think.

Oh and wait, maybe it's all in my mind too. Ha!

And then comes the problem about attention. and values, and principles..

I'll start on the attention part.

Well, I reasoned that people who are in ten social circles at once,who spends every waking minute texting or yakking away, feeds on attention. They literally need it, they need to know that they will not be missed if they happen to be abducted by aliens or mandatory turned into a ninja.

Well that's what I generalized, and then I had to go apply it to myself. Ha.

As I said, I'd feel I let myself down if i get all chatty and fake around people, and I might even get disgusted at myself. C'mon, I've seen enough of two-faced people, i'd be letting my conscience down if i turned into one of them too, right? And i can't do it even if i wanted to, I just don't know what to say.

Then, my values, I guess that's the real problem maker, Well, I generally treat people as friends only when we get really close, like constantly talking and knowing the exact shit the other person is thinking.

and the moment the event arises when I have a reason to hesitate dialing his/her number, they are no longer classified under 'friends'. see the stupid bar that's set so high?

And yes, I do have Bffs, for real. All from my secondary school days.

We started out unkindly but circumstances and commitment stuck us together, and they officially breached the wall and passed into my threshold of 'friends forever' -whatever you call that. We went for 7 months without contacting each other at all, but when we did it was like nothing changed at all, time simply didn't put a space between us.

I know this person will be in my life then, no matter what I do or say, no matter what I become,(trust me, I'd been through some funny phases. lol!) and she's the one who I'll never judge, no matter what she does or how bitchy she is.

And the part on circumstances? yes. I find no reason to talk to a person unless circumstances puts us together. And I tend to talk only when the need arises, yeah, that'll make me really outgoing.. NOT.

There was an incident, those few blissful hours where I thought I found a kindred spirit within my poly life. After a year and a half together, after spilling stuff to each other, I thought; yes, I found another one, I can count on her. But it had to go all awry and as circumstances put it, we didn't talk anymore.

Oh, and the circumstances now?

an all-girls class, a protective boyfriend who gives me all the time i want, (Almost. rah!), coupled with the fact I isolated myself to a group of friends in year one and got cut off clean after that? Its all not looking so awesome.

Wow, I can go on forever.. This post was supposed to be a paragraph short, but.. look what we have here!

Gawd. How do i figure this out?!

Tis' frustrating.
But at least there are still cute things in the world to take your mind off things..

♥

. Scribbled at 9:30 PM |

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Jan 18, 2012 || 1:26 PM

Heyszxc! Gonna update before leaving for school, :/

This is gonna be full of my camwhores, and i'm starting with an overexposed picture.

Well.. remember i mentioned i dyed my hair before drastically snipping half of it off? here's the shot right before i left for the hairdresser's again.. sigh, at least it was long and thick.
okay i shall not start complaining or there'll be no end.. :(

say, they could've at least allowed me to keep the thickness though. -.-

So here you go, pictures one day before leaving for school~

I suppose i should be more hardworking and start wearing contacts, right? :(

but school is almost out.. Two more weeks!

Not that I'd been studying.. It really sucks to sit down and study when 9gag or 4chan is just a tab away. :'(

And I've been looking up on the scene girls I'd stopped following since a few years ago, namely audrey kitching, jac vanek, kiki kannibal etcetc, they grew so much! I'm sure you'll know whose Brookelle Mckenzie at least. They've turned into gorgeous ladies recently.

and dakota rose's kotirose.com isnt there anymore! the new one's kotakoti -I am amazed she took a whole new turn into gyaru style! right on track, me gusta!

alright toodles~

. Scribbled at 1:26 PM |

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|| 1:43 AM

Perfection.
Its an unattainable state, but what's really deadly about it is that it can kill those who sought after it.
After seeing what they went through, i finally understand that such shiny gems took years of rough polishing and carving. By 'they' i can mean the girls half a planet away, or even right in our country. Those that we stalk because of their good looks/style/personality. Nothing comes without effort, truckloads of effort, consistently.
Unless you're one of those goddamned lucky motherfuckers born flawless and absolutely symmetrical..
Well, its alright, i think your personality sucks and you'll die early anyway to make it up. :)
and then here i am portraying the epitome of a jealous hater. nah, *peace out*

. Scribbled at 1:43 AM |

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Deep breaths.

Jan 12, 2012 || 1:30 AM

Hi all, brace yourselves! alot of spam today~! Wanted to play Skyrim but.. ah well.

Okay firstly i'll dump pictures which I somehow forgot existed. :X

Triple date(:DDD) that didn't start nor ended well.. I promise we will have a better one soon! :(
On the bus otw to bugis~

If you're thinking wtf? why does she need to post both hands?? Look closely.. they're different!!
..left and right.
OKAY lol i'm kidding.

Watched 'we bought a zoo', seriously had no choices left, haha!

speaking of movies, wong and I'd been watching too many movies! :S
The movie ticket stubs are building up like a block of paper already..

Ada keeps taking pictures of us lol!

Thenn.. steamboat buffet for dinner.

Look how greedy this boy is!!!! No wonder sho squishy!!

I remember yahui whining to her bf : 'I don't like itt~!'

Awkward/ugly smile.. But its the only picture of me and her so I'm putting it up!

Ada had to go back early in the end.. :(

Snacks I hoarded home! :( Why oh why can't i contain my cravings..

eating the salt off pretzels sticks when you get bored of the biscuit, anyone eat it like me?! :X

----

Last day of the year with wong. We decided to go out at the very last minute and reached mere mins before countdown.. Which explains the nice position we were in..

I really do seem to have a knack of taking fireworks with trees blocking me.. Or maybe its just the trees trolling me..

:( okay..

After that, supper at MacDonalds!

---

And now..I know it's a tad too late, but hey! Le me's new year resolution!

I shall now condense them into six points;

1) Start doing everything more/be more proactive; meaning i'll kick that dumb laziness out of the window and accomplish what I've always wanted to do! and by that I include completing my RPG pc and PS2 games.. I bought them like, two years ago!? Final fantasy especially, haven't touched them in a long time!

And I'm lagging way behind, people are all on PS3s since eons ago...

2) I wanna start working on writing a novel.

sorry, big dreams, but I've already got the basics down!

3) Regain my art skills! Time to activate my deviantArt account.. I have been lusting to do fanart of dear Erza for very long.. and just in case you don't know who is she;

you gotta love her toughness..

Alright this is knightwalker but they're exactly the same! She's like, her doppelganger. Gosh go and watch Fairytail!! I was initially attracted only by the anime but right now I'm chasing the manga like a mad hound..

4) Read more books and (here comes) study more! Have to pull my GPA up..

*LOL who am i kidding..

5) Start gymming/exercising for a clearer mind, plus reach my target weight of 40kg! Okay shut up I know I'm not plump or even close, but I've been underweight all my life, and suddenly I'm exactly at the normal range, I need to take a step back!!

*determined*

6) Aaaand lastly.. Save up! I will not touch my savings for the trip to Hongkong, i will built it up instead!

Ok done, there's school tomorrow.. :(

Goodnight!

yes, that's my short hair now..
Trust me, its not as good as it looks, pictures are deceiving. especially pictures with severe blurring effects.. go figure.

. Scribbled at 1:30 AM |

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Jan 10, 2012 || 9:52 PM

Gonna complete this arcania gothic 4 thoroughly and move on already! :(

I love how he can carry a small army's worth of items and run as fast as ever.. unrealistic much, haha!

some snapshots for keepsakes..