“and here goes my story.”

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"In Lisbeth's eyes Cammilla was insincere, corrupt and manipulative. But it was Lisbeth Salander whom society had declared incompetent." - the girl who played with fire, stieg larsson.

 I've been reading a lot these days. And I realized, even within books, there is no escaping the Game.

 The Game? It is what I feel like I was born into this world for, very similar to the fight for survival, only the context and rules are completely different. but even the fight for survival has taken on new terms and is now intertwined with the Game.
  It is no longer so much about who can plant the most crops and have the most livestock. It is interlaced with who makes the best of relationships with others and ensures that you are safe from being attacked and having your land forcibly taken over - which is the game I'm talking about.
 And the people playing? They are like psychopathic vultures. Waiting patiently on the eaves the moment you start tottering, with gleaming eyes that never lose focus for a second though they may make you think they did, sharpening their claws behind their wings while they scheme and plot, and the moment you fall to the ground in a heap, they are poised to strike, as the last of your breath escapes you, they swoop down and peck your bones clean to your very last substance.
 That, from my point of view, is not in any way attractive, even in the position of the vulture, which I am sure many people will relish. I have definitely met a few of them in my time, and I have died so horribly, so many times, I wish I was never born.
 And I have never known the reason why it happens to me. Throughout the years, so many events chipped my interpersonal intelligence away, bit by bit, proving my every single advance in making it work to no avail, until I all but threw it out of the window and shut myself from harm. But I do know the reason now- it is the Game at work.
 The Game is invisible, but global, encompasses all living organisms, only playing on different levels. It has unspoken basic rules which most figure out early in their lives, and those that figure out the more complex rules and find shortcuts round them fare the best. It also partially has to do with luck, if you made a lucky choice/are born in a lucky place, you may find yourself in the middle of the game, with all the players looking up to you. You can see it's very dense in politics, big or small.
You can see it has been in play for as long as it is wide, even back in 1066-1072- normady's invasion of germany, norman duke william the conqueror operated on 'kill or be killed', of course, right now this attitude is an SOP of military combat in every nation and ideology.
  It is very, very, scary (take it from me) for the minority within the minority who does not want to have anything to do with the Game.
 So how did I come to know of it? It literally came to me in an epiphany when I saw a picture that bf showed me yesterday, I saw this high-playing vulture, staring at me out of the picture, smiling with innocent eyes which to me might as well be hooded and glittering. I told bf outright- 'what if.. there are people who don't want to play the Game?' he regarded me with a lot of questions marks lol!
 Alas, it is too late. I am 19 years in the going and still only has a vague idea of the game, I can see it from the outside, the blood thirstiness that is only held back by the law, and thus I've portrayed them as scavengers instead of predators. But we all know some of you would kill if you could, wouldn't you? :) I've learnt to beware of even a hatchling, they're the ones who wouldn't let a morsel pass.
 I totally understand now, how people say being an extrovert is a protection in itself. but sadly I cannot bring myself to do it, and I am still floundering, seeking help with nothing to tell if the person I turn to isn't going to swallow me whole. This goes back biologically to natural selection, I know.
 Society, oh how I hate this word and all it stands for. Because it is most twisted and warped on the inside but there's this huge facade where we are all holding up, showing everyone that it is loving and perfect. ha.

here my rant ends. On days like these I really see that my dreams of living in simplicity on a wild countryside or sea is utterly impossible. sighs.

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