“and here goes my story.”

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HIII! I did say that this post was gonna be a picture-ish one!

okay so above was one of the first pictures ever taken by my new baby camera!
Highlighted my shag face after work.. :S

below are the pictures I camwhored a week ago,
after the formal photoshoot and I came home drenched to the bone.
It didnt deter me from spamming photos though.. so here goes!







Horrible hairsprayed+drenched hair. Shampooed four times and it still didnt come off properly!! @%$&@#%^!!
And as you can see my makeup couldnt get any nuder.. :S



I've got seriously no complains about this camera- yet.
okay except for the humongous picture size (which could be easily rearranged),
I literally have nothing to hold against it.
It rendered me helpless when I realised I couldn't edit anything- everything i did to it made it look worse than the original instead of improving it!
like seriously!! No backlight to compensate, no need to alter any contrast or anything!
Boohoo. you know what that means?
It means that I have to get a better editing software(yes, photoshop) because theres nothing i can do with photoscape anymore!

sad face. :(
-
These were taken in the morning actually, before I went to try to get the goddamned hairspray off and then head to sentosa for a night's stay in hard rock. :P
And I am proud to proclaim that underaged me went into st james' powerhouse! wheee! :X
had an extremely uncomfortable night, puked all over the place and stuff.
but i shouldve known.. alchohol wasnt a friend of mine from the start.. :/

k bye! next one's about fooood! yayy!

there work tomorrow and i havent started studying! omgz.
i reaaaaally think i'll be able to pull through so can i dont study..? :(
cant wait to get over the next week, then im a (partially)free bird!!
gonna enjoy myself at a chalet. ;)
gonna work more too I guess..
though seeing someone not doing so make me dread work so much.

I have pictures! loads of them!
i realised this camera takes horribly huge sizes of pictures..
while changing the setting would drop the quality.. wahhhh! :'(
hopefully next post i'll put pictures of the korean bbq! yayy!

Stop thinking, start doing.

HIIII!! I AM HERE TO ANNOUNCE THE START OF MY LIFE!!!
I GOT MY CAMERA. FYEAHH!
okay , its not as I had expected, but some research online told me its OK.
I shall settle with it, regretting will only make me have a hard time~ :(
Cammy, you better be worth the hefty price I paid to get you off your shelf!

I'm in school right now,
Fogged through today, my brain feels so cooked!
I dont think my UT3's are gonna show good resultszxc..

my falsies are dropping off..
I havent been wearing them for a long long long time,
so I forgot the knack to wearing them. :(
imma pluck it off soon i guess,
because im heading to panasonic to collect stuff for my camera, teehee!
oh no, i left the receipt at home. LOL
okay i'll decide later.

so today's the last day last lesson of this semester!
I don't feel anything, I guess its partly because I'm not emotionally attatched to anyone and that I'll most probably be seeing them next sem too. haha!
school's such a drag isnt it!
work's quite boring too.. seriously, if it werent for the kachingkaching. :'(
i got so many things i gotta do im disoriented, i think its part of growing up isnt it, fuller schedules and a lousier memory, not a nice combination. :S

Imma start posting pictures soon! And edit my template if I arent lazyyyyy...

wheeeeee!
i decided on a camera!
its lumix. okay whatever.
gonna go to simlim asap.. :(
todays a thursday but im in school, because of the classes being pushed forward. boohoo.
i've been reading harry potter these days,
i finally bought the whole collection!! muahahahah.
i declare i absolutely loathe people who have not read the books but claim that they are HUGE fans! just hearing about it is so irritating, isnt it?! just because you've seen the movies dont prove nothing, because the movies are like 60% or less than the books essentially. tsk.
last week of school, finally.
today's a closure on anatomy, ewww.
so many chalets and getaways in the hols. heh.
but no relaxing until ut3's over, mine's five days in a row! omafgawd.
ok bye.

Its a fridayyyy!!
i havent updated for so long! :O
Its been a pretty busy week.
Running around singapore to look at cameras.
hehe! i gave up on the luggish dslrs and decided for the bridge cameras!
narrowed it down to lumix fz40 and nikon p500,
so difficult to decide!
I went to many digital malls, sim lim's seems cheap..
Theres the expo digital sale tmr and i think i gotta go down have a look soon. hmm.
Speaking of that, i almost got cheated into buying a pentax digital camera,
the sales person's damn pushy,
i was at the point of sale before i realised i should look around more. hoho!
wong was all for getting it though. hmph.
okay, other than that, its been pendulum between nikon and lumix.
unfortunately, both arent cheap. so that served no help in my decision.
right now its at lumix, cause its made in japan. haha!
before that i was so geared up about nikon. :X
i guess i'll have to let expo decide when i go..

okay, back to my life,
yesterday was an off-day from school,
except for the extra school work i had to do due to miscommunication and some retarded rj,
i was pretty much absorbed in makeup.
yes, im working at the makeup shop, etude house.
first day! :O
the training's horrendous, because i had to remember everything about all the products at once.
:( i never knew there were so many things to be applied on your face! omg, women, why you so vain!
i gotta listen in class now, its accounting. :(
bye!

Finally received my bursary,
as expected, faced with that sum of money only served to throw me in a state of total confusion.
I have utterly no idea what to do with it-
all the things i wanted and were planning suddenly became questionable.
I guess thats good in a way though..
I wouldn't be spending it all away very quickly -my mum says a month- nor worthlessly, right?
But 600's already gone, my dad's taking 500 from me and I repayed a debt of 100 to my cousin.
oh well.
I should clear my head and get a good hold on life before I touch much of the money I guess- small portions are gonna be used to sustain my meals. I can finally eat whenever, whatever, as much as I like! wheeeee!
I am not content with my allowance of twelve dollars per day. :X
seriously, at this rate im gonna finish it in less than four months. I mean it.
okay, I shall leave my head to clear right now.
I havent been a person to mess with recently, I guess im spoilt, badly.
By myself, if that is even possible.
I cant handle people, as usual, but right now I get infuriated so damn easily when my expectations are let down.
I pretty much expect things to be perfect.
No good, no good at all and i know it myself.
Wait, I am grateful for all i have and stuff, but i am always yearning for more, you know?
I am so used to being accompanied by people I can't stand being left alone.
I get so used to the present I end up not trying, just for the convienience.
okay that was out of point. But whatever.
So it boils down to the same old thing, doesnt it?
I need a goddamn direction, but I am not in any way motivated to try for it even when I get one, because I have things i wanna accomplish,
but the push for me to put in effort for it just dosent exist.
hahaha, im living such contradiction.
but i was pushed off course, wasnt i?
I used to have my own set of principles, goals,
but they're all trampled and shot down by society now.
I do not understand what do you want from me. I do not.

I cant blame anyone, I cant do anything about it,
I know i should not wallow in this well because its gonna do me no good,
I'll be forever repeating the same old things .
I thought i was through, but i am proven to be false time and again.
I recoil in fear, whenever I am faced with something foreign to what I am living with now.
I know i've said these so many times, but I dont leave my comfort zone, this well protects me from them,
Im in here, biding my time, not knowing the things I can do or not do.
Now, look what you've all done.
Can you hear me? I need to break through, now.
I need to peel off this suffocating layer of fear you've painted all over me.
-

On a brighter note,
Im in school right now.
Looking at the past,
dont get me wrong, I am grateful for the present.
Its my future im worried about, like i said. ha!
My boy is going bonkers over his assignment that's supposed to be due today,
so I promised not to disturb him at all, even though I am extremely unwilling,
we even ended up pissed at each other but okay fine Im done ranting.
I shall complete my work now, somehow i ended up here when i was actually supposed to do my school work, :X
did i mention i completely missed an individual assignment?
not knowing was bliss for me- until i found out. I feel like a moron now.
haha! okay but its already over so whatever. serve me right for not putting attention on schoolwork at all.
I guess next stop's home for me.
because i am really an anti-social - point brought across bigtime!
I really admire someone, suddenly, now that i am so far away i see.
doing and saying the right tings at the right time, with a enviable humorous and gold personality, plus an awesome fashion sense, how'd she accomplish that feat?
to think that i've been said to be a clone of her. pfft.
they say you cant please anyone, but,
i honestly dont see anyone with negative feelings towards her!
In my case it is reversely true, meaning i offend more than i please. LOL.
failure ttm right, tyvm i know it too.
okay, back to my work and then home,
bye to the dust thats reading these, because noone does!

Staying at home, eating, and sleeping, then sleeping then eating and in this neverending cycle,
I realised I am so without an aim.. :(
for instance, I don't have any aspirations or whatnot,
I can't summon the strength to go for them if they appear, either.
I don't know why, but life kinda lost some meaning.
I mean, everything's going well, work, school, relationships, family.
Oh wait. My social life.
It's a complete blank, haa.
What am I waiting for?
I don't know, I simply can't bring myself to speak out or throw in some initiative to save myself.
But actually, I did bring it all on myself,
Isolating myself to one part, and when I left I left all of them at once.
Smart, arent I? Noone told me that I had to make reserves.
All I wanted was exclusivity. I guess that don't work in the world now.
sigh. How I hate society, hated, hate and always will I guess.
Its like everyone's hiding a big secret from me, kinda like fashion too..
How'd you individuals make it look so simple to you when I don't even get the gist of it?
when I go my way I get scoffed at. wtf.
But theres really nothing much I can do about it, can't I? Im living here right now, know.
But when I feel everything is going well without effort, I feel upset because I don't feel anything, but when I feel something's missing, I obviously feel upset too. I get it, im looking for a sense of accomplishment. Something I haven't gotten to savour in a long time.
Looking at my good results didnt give me no kick, because I didn't put in a trace of effort for them. But I cant get my damn butt up to work for them.
It seems I don't really get myself either.
Where's that push I need.. :/

This is a utterly random blog post i decided to write
just because I have to wait ofr my hair to dry before I can sleep.
I'm tired! slept my way back home, even when standing on the train LOL
my wong is out.. :(
playing lan with his friends.. bother..
I hate games for stealing my attention away! >:/
Anyway I just ate some chicken rice that had started to turn sour.
so if wake up in the middle of the night with an upset tummy I wouldn't be surprised. :/
Today school was okay, I got a surprising surprising surprise! HAHA.
like totally, because this sem's UTs arent moderated,
so I can't fog through my test and sit by hoping everyone else did the same..
But, I scored! Except for one UT which I didn't attend..
boohoo everyone said it was easy..
okay so anyway they were saying I always skip school because I study at home.
haha! nuh, people close to me would know.
okay only one.
and that one falls asleep 5mins into me teaching him accounting.
blah.
alright, I hope Ut2 would, if possible, show better results!
I seriously doubt it though.. I've been missing loads of lessons! :S
...
I went home after going to my workplace, damnn..
forgot to bring my shoe. I know i am getting dumber.
It aint pleasing me either.
Offended my manager i guess.
made laughing stock by the staff too.
He thinks I'm gonna stop working, which is pretty true.
sigh. I like this job, but things are so awkward alr la. :/
watsted like 6 dollars on transport today.
I topped up ten bucks using stray shilling and small notes.
still, it rendered me completely broke..
thank god i got some rice getting sourer by the second at home waiting for me, Not.
And I just located the source of my pain in the throat!
Its an ulcer, a pretty big one now since it started out three days ago, nestled comfortably at the back of my throat.
Gaaaaaaah!
Its a bad sign its a bad signn! I'm dying soon of throat cancer.
ktxbai

July.
I'm tired and aching from the weekend I had.
work, work, then our big day!
heh.
It was a surprise definitely, the walk to mbs( i saw rosebullet! :O), then the trip to take the singapore flyer.
Before that was the search for ssc that brought us to sakae sushi.. :/
I'm so spoilt by him I get pissed so easily! But the wongwong song is my remedy, haha!
i think what my fortune teller told me was true, that i put people up on a pedestal and never expect them to step down, else i'll be greatly disappointed.
Tsk. I should work on it i know! The people closest to me get my lash the hardest,
wong being the most pitiful. :(
so i've decided to change! no matter what, hah!
and speaking of changing, my hairstyle and makeup need to change, big time!
School sucks today, cause I feel so tired and brain deadd..
theres ktv later on and a sneak dinner to malaysia, :P
I got a feeling imma partial. hoho!

Today, is one of the worst days of my life.
I officially turned stupid.
I am horrified at the things i did today.
The clumsiness and the dumb retarded mistakes.
I am exhausted, not so physically but in my mind.
this is fucking weird.
Im dying knowing im turning stupid.
fml. save me.

Will revamp this thing and start blogging more once I get my camera!
I am determined to get a slr at least, aaaand start dolling up! hee.
Life's too short for me to wallow in whatever sorrows.
I've got the world to account to now!
I will not allow myself to let go of anything I have now.
I'll cherish it more everyday yoh.
:)
i started working btw! not very good pay, but whatever!

I'm utterly exhausted for an unknown reason.
It can't be work, can it?
I guess its my menses, like losing too much blood make me weaker.
not to mention the emotional roller coaster i'd been on these few days certainly complemented it well. not.

so im home now, desperately trying not to sleep though im already delirious.
Okay that did it. I now know the reason for my tiredness, haha!
well, things have been going a little downhill these few days, but i think its me again.
I honestly do agree that girls are really untolerable. sorry! but its true so whatever.
I keep thinking about how boring i am all of a sudden,
no, really, the way i drone and how quiet/shy/retarded i am, totally a douchbag.
lol wtf.

I dont get why my tweets didnt go through. should i type it out or wait?
im afraid it'll go through then i'll have like three repeated tweets, not very nice.
considering the fact that they are the things that have been running through my mind and i was trying to make a enlightening statement on them.

bunch is in school.. :(
i hoped he'd accompany me but he need to study.
Java must be really hard..
but i still wish i had my shoulder..
:((

You tell me, how cute can my honeybunch get?
We had mac bigbreakfast yesterday and today he bought a egg and ham muffin breakfast for me!
other than forgetting about the milo, which he wouldnt have realised if i didnt ask,
he told me he ordered ham because i didnt eat beef.
PUNCH YOU AH! I was eating the same thing yesterday! bakawong!
LOL awwwwww, sho cutesczx.
okie. im in class now. faci's going through the answers, so far i got so many damn correct LOL.
im not even listening la, but i know it. ;)
Im currently looking at contact lenses!
i wanna buy a pair or two to wear to school..
its gonna be hard on my eyes but i think i should wear leh,
same goes for falsies, i wanna wear! i finally found my no.7, which i thought was only available in malaysia. but its like almost two times more expensive here at bugis.... should i buy?
ww's telling me i shouldnt change, hes fine with me like this, heh!
alright, i shall simply buy a few of each and wear it occasionally i guess! :P
until i get my camera, hohoho.
alright, buais

Imma bomb now.

not the good one. :(

Its the end of the holidays!!
No that isnt a happy exclamation.
i went to malaysia for two and a half days,
bought a few clothes, mummy spent 800+ dollars on me and fiona, gosh!
the clothes arent bad but they're typically the bugis type,
anyway they're pretty cheap so im not complaining.
Today's sunday, and i feel like extending my holiday to monday! hoho!
which i think i will, but i feel bad for making wong accompany me..
his lesson's important!.. :( actually mine's too, but i couldnt care less! mwahahahaahahh!
so..
heres a picture of the clothes



and heres a pretty picture of me, or picture of pretty me! ;)
dont complain, its the only picture i have la!

Some pictures on my phone I had to share!

I miss babyyyyyy! :(((
i will stay loyal! >:/

27th may, bunch bought me (wrongly) gummy marshmallows!!
awwwwy, its yummier than what I was craving for so I forgave mr bunchy!!
heh!

Im twirling whirling in a vortex of things to do,
its the holidays! *jumps around*
though its quite short, I'm fully utilising my time. :)
cleaning hammie's cage, vacuuming the house, packing my room, editing then uploading my pictures, etcetc! I don't even have time to play my games! haha!
then there's lunch at love's house tomorrow! wheeeeee!
he told me there's a doggy! i bet its not as cute as Baby the dog. :(((((
bleah.
but out of all these, I haven't got a worry at all.
so happy and contented that my heart is bursting,
I understand I'm in a state many would wish for,
so, I'm definitely not taking this for granted!

okay, I just wanted to get this out, so I can let yall know and remind myself in the future I was this carefree and daydreamy or whatever. gotta get going! ciaos!

IT IS THE START OF THE HOLIDAYSZCXSCZX!!!!!!
YEEEEHA!
Its exhilarating simply thinking about whats in store for me in the holsssss!!
First up is my mini honeymoon. heh!
and now that im done with my rj, school assignments and whatnot,
Im freeee!
time to scream and shout and run about!
hoho, im kidding.
tomorrow will be hard on bunch.. :(
and the juniors will be like ?????
haha! but, ohwell.
they'll know us (infamously) sooner or later!!
shall not care, since they're so realistic. :/
i think bunch fell asleep on the lappy! awwwwwww!!!

Im eating marshmallowsss!!!
bought a real packet at ntuc today! bunch bought the wrong one, but im loving that one more!!
awwww, heh, mine!
I've been going home very late lately, but its not because i've been working or whatsoever,
procastinating too much lately, i know!
got so much work to do..
but it actually can be handled.. if it werent for my laziness.. $#&%
-
I'm suddenly so inspired.
I have so many things in mind, i cant stop thinking!
I wanna say everything, but i just cant.
I wanna let everyone you what im thinking always, what im doing.
Iwanna know everything, i wanna do everything,
I wanna see the world, people, places, food, dances, art. everything!
all i'll need is time and money, haha!
thats what everyone wants. :P
I've got love, I'm content, really.
Now im on my way, this journey gonna start now,
because my life is back on track.
but one thing.. imma sloth. :(
i have a bunch of things to do but im so lazy to do them, the most important thing is finding a job, i cant do it too! hahaha! okayokay. gosh im exploding from sitting around..
i think my mind's running wild again.
-
for the past hour i've been surfing wiki. LOL.
reading up from the the reasons for colour of urine can go to supermassive black holes and churning cauldron in yellowstone national park to vocaloids, interesting hohoho.
look, there's so much in this world for us to know, and much much more yet to find out,
i wanna live forever!! :(

Hunneh bunch! ♥

Sorting out my life,
got so many things to dooo!
I'm gonna live as much as i can, :)
havent found a job, gosh!
and i need to make a wishlist,
okay i bet i'll never do so, im so lazy..
and i need clothesss! thats for sure.
Gonna open my blog soon.
i wont hang my dirty linen in public, dont worry,
it'll all be in the other blog, kay?
it's not as if i dont update that much either. :/
its just that theres only permission to one person mwahahaha.
ohno.. my throat's starting to hurt.
need to sleep early! :(
Gonna go soon i guess. heh.

I need to:
sort my thoughts and get a direction,
organize and chuck my possessions(clothes in the wardrobe),
get a part-time job that has a fairly good pay,
stop being a hypersensitive whim,
buy more clothes and shoes that wont throw every single face in the world away,
buy accessories,
create a wishlist,
buy falsies and contacts,
start drawing, start reading, start singing, start exercising, start making nail art,
buy the $9 popteen magazine,
buy a dslr camera,
dye my hair,
resolve not to hurt myself no matter what,
go back to sentosa and pulau ubin for a getaway,
go out with girlfriends,
update my playlist,
start taking pictures and be a goddamned normal girl,
get some fashion sense,
be fairer,
get rid of my dark eye circles (impossible),
stop stalking my boyfriend lest he find me an annoying pest,
earn 1,000,000 by year 2060.

random. ;)

Hello!
Today's 10th of may! well officially 11th since over midnight but whatever.
i think mine has fallen asleep.
he didnt reply me after i came out of the bathroom. hehe!
my grade is gonna suck today! boohoo. didnt even bother to do anything at all.
-
we went to watch 'a chinese ghost story'! not a really bad show, but i kept getting disturbed.
hahahah! we walked around, went to his house after that, hehe.
so awkward, that incident with your mum!! :S
okay, i guess its partially my fault. hehehe!
i just ate a slice of swenson's ice cream cake! gonna sleep soon, there's school tomorrow.
okay so heres what i wanna say.
Me am sorry me forgot about the date!! wasn't paying attention to it!
but you know i got no love lost to you because of my constant stalking and whatnot right!
unlike someone, claims to have grown comfortable. hmpf!
still wouldnt admit the date slipped his mind too, when i have such proof!!
but i feel bad it slipped mine nonetheless. :(
mwah!
i still remember you texted me two days after we got together, telling me i've belonged to you for 48 hours already. awwww.
now im gonna tell you, you belonged to ME for seven freaking months and i am still crazy over you! i want a piece of my sweet wong back!
heh, okay thats all, hair's almost dry, gotta go off! :)

me, lena.
absolutely smitten, bessoted by you.
i can't take a ray of light missing.
you know?
cause this cutie's mine, this disgusting fart, this loud boy, this huggable worm, everything!
-
Right now i'm blogging cause my neopet's 'insects' as he calls them are helping me earn money!
so im bored bored bored.
hehehe. wong's sleeping since 945 after a tired day for him, gymming and messing around, (so adorable when he's tired omg.)
i promised i'll sleep at 1030! :p
look what mummy just got!
:0



made us laugh because when she won in the end we expected 30+ thousand of winnings, but she's currently broke and playing at a low level so it was only 1400+ ,hahahahah!
sis's eating swenson's icecream cake. im waiting for my cousin's pizza!
she's gonna make my whole family so fat i swear.
she bring food almost everynight back for us.
on the menu tonight is microwaved pizza! goshhh.
speaking of fat, my current weight is 41.3!! wowww. my muscles slimmed already i guess. LOL.
went to gym today~ everything deproved! hahaha!
but i see no point in keeping it up, maybe just for the sake of staying healthy. ;)
but i want abs! will train for it!
okay.. nothing else!
think i cant sleep at 1030. sorry wong!
:P sleep tight mine.

So close huh.
if you wanna call whoever girl don't call me that at all.
i dont matter then.
pretty right?
interested huh?

What am i proving?
that im not going to lose.
that i havent lost my principles.
that i am unique, i will not condone plagiarism from anyone around.
that i will do everything with all my heart.
that i am intelligent.
that i am strong.
that i am not goddamn weak.
that i am pretty.
that i wanna do anything i want.
that i wont regret and will never look back.
that i will not lose myself.
that i arent afraid.
so many things,
which one is still standing intact now..?
not a single fucking one.

Urgh.
i shant rant about my fucked up family.
i'm sick of complaining already.
I just wish i was as cold hearted.
sigh.
did my hair today, gonna dye it two weeks later i guess.
I cant wash it till wednesday! eeek.
gonna be itchyyyy! if i sweat, that is. :X
its my first step. hooray! :)
next up would be to find a good source of income and some crazy shopping.
i'll be morphing to fit in- i think whatever's on the inside isnt important afterall.
but dont be alarmed if you cant recognise me no longer, cause i cant either.
But saying all these.. maybe its just that im unwilling to let go.

Sleep tight, love.
you're all i got. :)

Hi loves!
Im still behind a glass i wonder why.
I still can study,
still can function normally and whatever, but its just that my senses are oh so dimmed!
What, should i blame my throat?
or its just my stupid head thats numb from always thinking too much.. hahaha!

Your face dosent even look the same no more, it scared me, for awhile,
but i can get used to this..
I guess i left myself behind. Thats my stupid explanation for all these.
whatever i decisions i make now, i'll ask myself; is this what i would have wanted myself to do a few months ago? a year ago?

Well, school today,
working quite well with friends! though somewhat forcibly.
Went out with branca yesterday, those used-to-bes came back to me in a rush.
I'm glad i still have a friend who'll always be here.
So im getting used to putting space like i once forced myself to.
heh. =]

i still cannot.
my walls are utterly broken down.
but i have nothing else.
you've got me nicely cornered. :)

but maybe i've only got myself to blame.

im gonna change.
setting new resolutions.
i wont be such a whore and a fucking draggy douchbag no more.
watch out for me, world,
for im taking you head on.
im tired of the bitter taste of losing.

hihihi!
the ordeal seems to be over in a blink of an eye,
but the tears and sweat and blood that were shed i'll never forget.
i've learnt alot this past month. patience especially.
i cant say i havent changed,
but for better or for worse im afraid to say.
they've been to taiwan for five days already. coming back in four days' time!
and then everything'll end with one final rip.
sorry imma fussy hussy, cause i seriously get affected by my emotions and thoughts way too much.
=[ dinner was like a buffet tonight, filling ttm!
hahaha, with green tea flavoured tangyuan somemore!
i got my sense of taste and smell back! =]
gotta take care of my throat to stop this from happening again. :X
but.. sigh! kfc and biscuits are always so tempting!!!
well,
imma sleep soon,
ciaos!

Truth's out. uh-oh.
guess we arent gonna come out of the matter smelling like a rose no more..
sigh.. a month is enough time to kill you, dyou know?
but thing's have gotten so irreversible.

Im in school today for the last day of this sem. whew.
seemed to me it would never end, but all of a sudden it did.
didnt come for two/five days though..
attendance gonna stink.
grades are already down the drain too.
though my ut grades are reasonably fantastic,
im not confident of getting a gpa higher than two point smething.(2.1? 2.2?)
not to mention wong's (whos sleeping right now-you poor boy. =[ ) are worse than me, i think he might be lucky to even hit 2.0 at all.
and then thing are gonna get shitty cause rexaz is gonna hound us.
hai, we'll cross the bridge when we reach it i guess.
poor faci got bullied into setting all of us present for today. i reached school at 905 eh LOL.
had my eggy toast from breadtalk! i feel a cough on its way..
wong's already down since yesterday =/
hehe, and tired of course. ;)
though the root of it was from rexaz, cause we had launches la.
but even after three days its still hurting, right now it aint so bad anymore.
mmmm, i wanna look for my games!
i wonder how to download games illegally from the internet.
im literally lusting for the war game i played when i was in sec two.
heh, and the god game called black and white. bet wong'll like that one hes so mischevious.
okay, nothing to post, bye!

Edited soo much of my painstakingly edited template to make it wong-friendly..
Someone better be grateful! >:/
hehe! love you! i mean it!
=P

I skipped training today!
yet again..
well, i dont feel bad or anything cause i don't care, heh.
i just hope that its all over with soon, cause there's something so difficult looming up ahead.

Anyway, i started this post intending to update about this sudden change in my life,
as you'll see, i commented on my two 'stepbrothers' facebook profiles.
i'll tell you why in a sec.

My mum just came back half an hour ago, and when she got over the usual shock that i'm home at this timing, she came over to me and asked me to go talk to my two brothers on fb and wish them a happy new year.
I asked why, of course, then she told me that she finally met them!
I was quite shocked as these people, though close in blood relation, were never in my life ,so it took me awhile to absorb all that information that mummy started piling on me.
Stuff like telling me to view the photos taken with them and telling me how handsome they were in life and that they both had girlfriends already. Well, i also have a boyfriend. ;)

Oh! And do you know why my mum didn't come back yesterday like she planned to?
She was waiting for the elder brother (remy).
She said that he was reluctant to meet her cause he still had memory of her leaving-he was three and the younger one was 6 months when she left them. well not exactly left, forced to leave. =/

i asked my mum why did they suddenly come and find us? (they both brought their girlfriends when they came, btw.)
she told me my cousin callo and the younger one (kenny) were on talking terms ever since she added him on fb, so that day my mum and my aunt was near her when they were talking on msn and my aunt just asked my cousin to just bomb him,telling him she's his cousin. hahahah!
gosh, so dramatic i know! for the guy, i mean.
so he asked and asked for more and without any hesitation wanted to come meet all of us! especially my mum la duh.
so he came to my aunt's house the next day and well it was sniffsniff hughug reunion and stuffs i expect.

he gave excuses at first, for the elder brother, saying he was busy and etc, but it was actually because the elder one did not want to come.
but on the day my mum was supposed to come back which was yesterday, he was finally convinced by everyone to come and pay us a visit. and well of course he dragged his girlfriend along, (my mum tells me shes very small in size and quite skinny, that i dont believe- see for yourself! his expression makes him look kinda like you ohmygod wong.)
The younger one came on the second day too, the girlfriend tagged along for both days. hahaha!

You know what!? both of them have cars! one each lol! okay maybe they're mad rich whatever. heres the dad, my dad keeps saying he'll most probably be killed by a bullet.Cause hes the type that carries a gun around, you know those bad guys you see in the movies? yeah, his job is somewhere there too, he got into trouble with the police a few timesalready. My bro told my mum that the security around the dad's house is more tight than that of a bank's, more security cameras and etc. even the rooms need passwords to enter. LOL! well look at the face, whatdya expect, he already looks like some hei she hui lao da. =S

My mum keep on repeating that its been 12 years since she last saw my brothers,exactly how long does that feel i cant fanthom.
I'm providing eveything down to the exact detail, hehe.=X but thats cause i dont want you to miss anything!

Okay..So after telling me all these my mum did four other things;
1) Went to her bag and brought out a kfc zinger she bought in malaysia. (i guessed so at first but it was a correct guess cause i asked la!) so my dinner is a zinger burger. hehe.
I just finished eating it, there's cheese in it you know!! The taste of the chicken is different too.. abit more peanuty.. lucky i still love singapore's one more! =P

2) Asked me to talk to my bros often and meet them soon, and update her regularly about what they say (everytime they reply -.- ). they're working in malacca currently. Oh and they cant read nor speak chinese to save their lives, malay and english works for them only. haha! mum says they studied in english schools. when she said that i was imagining my cousin talking to the younger one, cause she 'tweets' in msn and her eng is quite bad. Must've been quite funny. =X

3) Asked me to hurry finish my dad's stuff i'd been procastinating since last week cause my dad got all hot and bothered at me about it just now. urghhh. so i chiong-ed and wasted half an hour on that and came back to finish my post.

4) This conversation's contents: She said for the new year she went back there and spent most of the time to help scrub the floor, poor aunt, there was a flood in malacca.. again. =/ but this time round its not that bad, the previous one submerged half the house! i still remember i lost alot of things there, ={ some precious stickers and stuffs.. but my holiday homework i did not miss! hehe!
so the topic was on the new year, so my dad told my mum for chu yi and chu er i was at home throughout. my mum didnt believe!! hahahah! i guessed she thought my dad was out and i lied saying i was at home or something, so i said he was at home throughout too, but he kinda blew it for me by saying he slept throughout. -.-
oh, and my mum asked about me going to my uncle's side for new year and whether there are ang paos, so i said 'yes but im keeping them all!' she didnt say anything except for 'grow up liao..'
(oh! she did ask about who gave angpaos and the amounts in it, i said three people, twenty dollars, ten dollars, and two dollars, then my uncle who owns the house didnt give but i thought he did, she was surprised when i told her the amount cause he normally gives at least 28.. TWENTY FREAKING EIGHT!... i can hardly contain myself..)
okay back.

i think she didnt know i took for my bro and sis too eh, everything amounts to around 120 only though, should i keep it all for myself or give it to mummy huh huh huh!! hehe!
so bad i know, but i'll take it as my pay to go through the ordeal of having to face the relatives alone, hee. though it wasnt bad at all la..filled my stomach to the brim, even got free new year tarts, a big bag of hershley's chocolates, loadsa yummy nuts and popcorn etc. which quite a portion are already in my tummy.. muahahah.

okay, then she asked whether i went your house to bai nian not, i said i did and she asked me how much was the ang pao, haha! i told her ten dollars, and that i already used it to top-up my ez-link card already.. =X wednesday's your turn to come i dont care! i just told mum that wednesday you might be coming already! MUAHAHAHAH. Then i'll force you to have family dinner with us.. MUAHAHAHAHH!!

After saying so much, i got reminded about my birth, do you know i attended my parents' wedding? and that i was around three at that time?
i darent ask much. heh. but what a muddle, cause i might not be this dad's biological daughter. or whatever. i had gone through it without results last year already, but im reminded of it again. lol.
that dad didnt let my mum see her sons even when she tried to snatch them back by force, that dad didnt like daughters too.. lol. theres more but i dont feel like elaborating.. well, you get the gist of it.
what a drag.
im talking to the younger one on fb now, seems friendly enough, =P
wong's cute jealous streak is showing. heheh! soooo cuuteeee.
okay wow, what a long post..
i think most of it is pretty confusing, but i hope you get all of it!
i spent almost three hours on this horh!!
come to think of it, my life's quite the drama horh.
what with my lovelife and family. i have no friends though.. well well. goodnight!
i hope you dont get sore eyes from reading all these! =P
mwah!

Made a change to my layout. removed the music. hehe!
just realised how distracting and unecessary it was,
as it would always have a lag time to start playing, you might just be halfway through a post when it starts playing then you'll not understand the content for a moment cause you got distrscted.
Well but thats what happened to me, i don't know about you.
-
Sore throat's badddddd.
told you there really is something wrong with my throat!
urghhhh.
my runny nose is kinda constant too..
did i get that from wong?
hahaha.
Heres a photo of your hair a two days ago. ohno! i forgot to take an 'after' picture.

YOU WENT AND DID IT.
you went to tell sy you big baka.
im starting to get suspicious of long alr..
maybe she's the one who told sy..
wellwell. whatever.
im having this weird feeling in my chest like i just swallowed a spoonful of rice down my windpipe and its clogging my lungs. ughhh.
then im getting all woried that its a harbinger that sth happened to you wong. LOL.
heres someting i wanted to add since.. well, the day we went.
i still remember last sunday with its perfect weather, waves, and the beads rolling around on the floor. I havent fixed your bracelet, btw.
You mr barbarian, you managed to spoil it on the first day you wear it, as expected.
23/01/2011
i snapped a picture of the singapore flyer, you told me my photo-taking skills sucks, then you tried taking a few squatting down and trying to get the perfect angle, but in the end you failed so miserably. hahahah! in the end you just had to admit my skill's so better! =P

we walked from kallang mrt to your db place, so many filipinos on the whole way,
but well, the river and the route was so nice.
i couldnt believe why there was hardly a person in sight remember?
we saw animals- a pelican, a hawk/eagle, a little bird with the cute wagging tail!
we walked, all the way to the singapore flyer, there was a flea market going on but oh too bad i didn't have the money to buy anything..
i swear im gonna work and get clothes for myself.
I've been so deprived, to the extent im wearing my secondary two clothes! *horror*
well, after that,
everything ended abruptly when we spotted the bus back to woodlands and ran for it.
after we boarded, we had no idea we were in for a freaking 1 hour 45 mins ride back.
we passed more than half of singapore i think.
haha, then comes the funny part!
you fell asleep on my shoulder,
and progressively this was what happened:

BUG BUG BUG!!



ever seen a GOLDFISH!
hmph, who asked you, you always said i show my bug tooth when i sleep.
look whos the bug! big fat bug!
hahaha! okay my eyes are so irritating..
whoohoo! my plants vs zombies have 224,000 already!
pro much! :P
random, hee.
-
dont hate me! =[ whats down there aint anything good.
im gonna talk about them.

well, i really hoped she would go. but i guess you were right, it had only the 5% chance.
urgh, i'll have to do it myself then..
well, yesterday she came back,
gave a long talk which my legs went numb,
oh! anyway i found a way to sit that you wont get numb eh!LOL.
you have to sit up really straight on the part where your butt has the most flesh, i did that when the two captains were speaking and you were away getting grilled for nothing- and the blood flowed into my numb legs as if i stood up eh!
okay sidetraked.
back to the point, yesterday was like a torture like no other,
i was feeling so freaking cold and they made us sit there, letting our legs get numb, tryna make us guilty and sad till they were satisfied then let her reveal that She was coming back.
well, she didnt announce, but the way she spoke to us was as if nothing happened,
She bragged a little about herself and sidetracked alot as usual, trying to warm us up again in the process. Well there was something new, the way She criticized her best friend's behaviour and dressing made me cringe all the way. i see no reason for the way the rest of them laughed at what she threw at her once best bud. even president and the seniors. gosh.
maybe i havent seen enough of this world.
some parts made sense, the sowing seed part or whatever, but i guess whatever she said didnt and never would apply to me no more.
I hated the part when i asked crestlyn whether She wasnt coming back, she's honestly the actor, managing not only to pull a straight face but lie through her teeth, i actually believed her. well false hope.
but the moment she told me, tears came into my eyes, i didnt know why.
i just cried and i didnt understand why. Half of me still couldn't let go, it seems.
but what a show, seriously.
come to think of it, sheena didnt even change into training attire, she knew She was coming back wasn't she?
i think i was the only one who saw how they tried to make us feel as bad as possible, cause for the talk that the captains had with us, the seniors were smiling when they walked back, but when they gathered all of us they changed totally, started scolding us, crying in front of us, forcing each and every single one of us to speak in turn, trice, for that matter.
crying, seriously.
and her dramatic exit on wednesday was one i'd never forget.
how many people honestly thought She would go i wonder?
liyana was the only one who texted her.
the rest didnt cause everyone were discussing whether to or not.
so being afraid of our ringmaster's a big deal?
im sorry, but i had to remember that liyana was the one coach talked out of quitting,
i cant help but remember how she laughed at me whenever sy throws a snipe at me too..
how heartless are we then?
This whole incident had the opposite effect on me to that they wished on everyone, unfortunately.
Am i supposed to be really sorry that i took Her for granted? work harder? get all fake on the mats and behave the way everyone is expected to? I guess everyone might feel that way. Even grace. But not for me.
Cemented my previously shaky resolution into place it did. i guess i wont have any regrets, only maybe for the sport itself. Yes i do love cheer. But everything else is completely uneccessary, honestly.
i feel as if im in this circus where everyone is willing to play along.
and the ringmasters just whipping and playing with everyone's feelings.
maybe i got the lessons that were supposed to be learnt faster than anyone else,
yes, cheer does teach you and shape your character whatever they say.
in ways that they didnt imagine, only so.
well, for the most part, i feel so cheated, haha sounds so childish but yes, i feel so ripped of my feelings until i've started hating.
we're humans too, thank you.
I feel like im such a nag now.
maybe a little spiteful too. oh well. :(
okay, end.

oh no.. i think im sick..
shall sleep early tonight.
ugh, thanks to kfc.
but i still love it nevertheless. hahahah!
see, if you're killing me, i'll still love you.
=P

listening to this song right now, LOL. the lyrics just caught my attention. well!
taylor swift; the story of us
'im dying to know,
is it killing you,
like its killing me?
i dont know what to say,
since a twist of fate,
when it all broke down,
and the story of us looks alot like a tragedy now.'

-
what should i do?
we're in a pretty sticky mess. heh.
went for dinner at wong's house.
whole family was present but the awkwardness was tolerable this time.
sigh, he just wont quit putting me through it..
but tomorrow he still managed to squirm out of coming over.
stupid worm.
well.
recently, these few days in particular,
i feel i lost life's purpose somehow.
but yes i am still trapped like a rabbit in a bear trap.
i dont know what to do. its the same question over again.
i tried telling you how it feels, but they wont come out exactly the way i want it to.
im having very bad double vision now.
LOL, goodnight.

Guess what this is?


This was last night's moon.
kinda like a midnight sun, right?
if you narrow your your eyes and open it you can see the light ray as if its really from the moon. heh.
but actually its from the computer la, just saying.
random, heh.

hee.
im back!
i realised my desktop has alot of photos,
all almost one year already!
well, i'll wait till i have time and start sorting them.
time's flying so fast nowadays anyway..
but surely there're some gems in them. heheheeh.

im in class again! am i marked late? i came at 838..
alright i shall check now.
oh! hahaha im not!
okay this is retarded.

today,i ate macdonalds! breakfast deluxe! the money didnt come by any gracious means though.
money is slipping away like water manszxc.
i wanna save but i seem to be tapping away slowly but surely from the 100 dollars im supposed to save up to return to chris.
thank god i dont have to save from zero. you know what that means. =S
but from the way things are going nowadays i wont be surprised if i have to really use it sometime soon, heard me!? >:/

i need pictures.. my posts are so boring and sleepy.
yawn.
but i dont take pictures no more. no life right! too many pictures also no life. hahah make up your mind!
im eating the maple syrup from the knife.. so sweet but i cant stop. hee.
and look im so bored im gonna start playing neopets anytime.
at least i get to earn and spend on something.. virtual or not.

well.
i've been talking to long about stuffs.. im taking a risk but well im still spilling to her,
she seems to feel the same way (well almost) as i do.

i've been thinking about my future since yesterday.
i just realised that this path i've been treading upon is gonna make me wind up as a spa lady or something along those lines. gratifying eh? i think not.
i dont know what am i gonna do still.
it seems that i've forgotten and lost all my principles i've taken so long to create, to uphold, and i would be disappointed with myself if i remembered them, too bad i do not.
its been this way ever since you stepped into my life.
now everything zeros down upon to you and all i know is you. is that a good thing?
i still feel unstable sometimes, but thats not because of you.Its my stupid self, these doubts and fears. but i swear i will really die if my world moves. Look at how i can't stand it already if there were merely a minor shower of rain.
hehe, you just called me.
so cute your wei. heh. bye!

Hello! only three people in the world are able to read this blog, so i guess my pageview per year is gonna be quite a sum..
5 to 6 pageviews i guess..
but nevertheless, i shall still blog as usual.
so today.
im bleary-eyed. think the lack of sleep is getting to me.
and me and wong had a talk.
well, turns out we gonna be out of rexaz before the end.
hahah.
troubles. mmm.

heh.
i reached a conclusion today.
im gonna earn money,
i want to save up for a camera!
i wanna make myself pretty and i wanna be a camwhore.
so sick of being the humdrum old plain jane i've allowed myself to morph into recently.
i wanna be able to eat whatever i want!
i wanna make my loved ones happy, and not be obliged to please those i force myself unto.
tiring, know.
im gonna start to break loose soon.
im gonna let school fall just for this sem. =P
but i've been faring quite well nonetheless.

yesterday.. (ignore my idiotic face)

someone doesn't seem to style his hair already....

today..

school such a draggg.

worries worries!
so lazy to blog,
too many things happened liao.
trainings have been fun,
and its two weeks away from the day i take out the cast! heh.
needa watch my weight liao, -.-
never expected i'll ever say that. tsk.

i got a sweeeeeeeeeeet ttm breakfast!
though the combination is a lil weird,
eggs with raisin buns and butter and sugar.. sugar ehhhh! hee!
and did i mention that the egg's sliced?
so cuuuuute rightt!
its the best bread i've ever had!
heheh.
so happy now though i might get a D today again.
argh, hate maths now. =/
gonna be a burden to my group throughout today, =P
just drank a sweet mango drink too, hee.
suddenly remembered i left my candy floss at L's house yesterday.
hahaha, bet he wont touch it.okay, i dont know what to write liao, buai!

gosh, havent been here ages.
so many things happened yeah.
im in a disgusting casted state and its supposed to last till 31dec i dont know how.
im in class now dying cause my eyes are effin tired.
my everything is so sore..
even catching up in class is becoming more of a chore.
sigh, but my sun is still shining. =]
yesterday was so scary,
try putting me through that again! >:/

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