“and here goes my story.”

September 2008 October 2008 November 2008 December 2008 February 2009 March 2009 April 2009 January 2010 February 2010 March 2010 April 2010 July 2010 August 2010 September 2010 October 2010 November 2010 December 2010 January 2011 February 2011 April 2011 May 2011 June 2011 July 2011 August 2011 September 2011 October 2011 November 2011 December 2011 January 2012 February 2012 March 2012 April 2012 July 2012 August 2012 September 2012 October 2012 November 2012 December 2012 February 2013 June 2013 December 2013 January 2014

YOU WENT AND DID IT.
you went to tell sy you big baka.
im starting to get suspicious of long alr..
maybe she's the one who told sy..
wellwell. whatever.
im having this weird feeling in my chest like i just swallowed a spoonful of rice down my windpipe and its clogging my lungs. ughhh.
then im getting all woried that its a harbinger that sth happened to you wong. LOL.
heres someting i wanted to add since.. well, the day we went.
i still remember last sunday with its perfect weather, waves, and the beads rolling around on the floor. I havent fixed your bracelet, btw.
You mr barbarian, you managed to spoil it on the first day you wear it, as expected.
23/01/2011
i snapped a picture of the singapore flyer, you told me my photo-taking skills sucks, then you tried taking a few squatting down and trying to get the perfect angle, but in the end you failed so miserably. hahahah! in the end you just had to admit my skill's so better! =P

we walked from kallang mrt to your db place, so many filipinos on the whole way,
but well, the river and the route was so nice.
i couldnt believe why there was hardly a person in sight remember?
we saw animals- a pelican, a hawk/eagle, a little bird with the cute wagging tail!
we walked, all the way to the singapore flyer, there was a flea market going on but oh too bad i didn't have the money to buy anything..
i swear im gonna work and get clothes for myself.
I've been so deprived, to the extent im wearing my secondary two clothes! *horror*
well, after that,
everything ended abruptly when we spotted the bus back to woodlands and ran for it.
after we boarded, we had no idea we were in for a freaking 1 hour 45 mins ride back.
we passed more than half of singapore i think.
haha, then comes the funny part!
you fell asleep on my shoulder,
and progressively this was what happened:

BUG BUG BUG!!



ever seen a GOLDFISH!
hmph, who asked you, you always said i show my bug tooth when i sleep.
look whos the bug! big fat bug!
hahaha! okay my eyes are so irritating..
whoohoo! my plants vs zombies have 224,000 already!
pro much! :P
random, hee.
-
dont hate me! =[ whats down there aint anything good.
im gonna talk about them.

well, i really hoped she would go. but i guess you were right, it had only the 5% chance.
urgh, i'll have to do it myself then..
well, yesterday she came back,
gave a long talk which my legs went numb,
oh! anyway i found a way to sit that you wont get numb eh!LOL.
you have to sit up really straight on the part where your butt has the most flesh, i did that when the two captains were speaking and you were away getting grilled for nothing- and the blood flowed into my numb legs as if i stood up eh!
okay sidetraked.
back to the point, yesterday was like a torture like no other,
i was feeling so freaking cold and they made us sit there, letting our legs get numb, tryna make us guilty and sad till they were satisfied then let her reveal that She was coming back.
well, she didnt announce, but the way she spoke to us was as if nothing happened,
She bragged a little about herself and sidetracked alot as usual, trying to warm us up again in the process. Well there was something new, the way She criticized her best friend's behaviour and dressing made me cringe all the way. i see no reason for the way the rest of them laughed at what she threw at her once best bud. even president and the seniors. gosh.
maybe i havent seen enough of this world.
some parts made sense, the sowing seed part or whatever, but i guess whatever she said didnt and never would apply to me no more.
I hated the part when i asked crestlyn whether She wasnt coming back, she's honestly the actor, managing not only to pull a straight face but lie through her teeth, i actually believed her. well false hope.
but the moment she told me, tears came into my eyes, i didnt know why.
i just cried and i didnt understand why. Half of me still couldn't let go, it seems.
but what a show, seriously.
come to think of it, sheena didnt even change into training attire, she knew She was coming back wasn't she?
i think i was the only one who saw how they tried to make us feel as bad as possible, cause for the talk that the captains had with us, the seniors were smiling when they walked back, but when they gathered all of us they changed totally, started scolding us, crying in front of us, forcing each and every single one of us to speak in turn, trice, for that matter.
crying, seriously.
and her dramatic exit on wednesday was one i'd never forget.
how many people honestly thought She would go i wonder?
liyana was the only one who texted her.
the rest didnt cause everyone were discussing whether to or not.
so being afraid of our ringmaster's a big deal?
im sorry, but i had to remember that liyana was the one coach talked out of quitting,
i cant help but remember how she laughed at me whenever sy throws a snipe at me too..
how heartless are we then?
This whole incident had the opposite effect on me to that they wished on everyone, unfortunately.
Am i supposed to be really sorry that i took Her for granted? work harder? get all fake on the mats and behave the way everyone is expected to? I guess everyone might feel that way. Even grace. But not for me.
Cemented my previously shaky resolution into place it did. i guess i wont have any regrets, only maybe for the sport itself. Yes i do love cheer. But everything else is completely uneccessary, honestly.
i feel as if im in this circus where everyone is willing to play along.
and the ringmasters just whipping and playing with everyone's feelings.
maybe i got the lessons that were supposed to be learnt faster than anyone else,
yes, cheer does teach you and shape your character whatever they say.
in ways that they didnt imagine, only so.
well, for the most part, i feel so cheated, haha sounds so childish but yes, i feel so ripped of my feelings until i've started hating.
we're humans too, thank you.
I feel like im such a nag now.
maybe a little spiteful too. oh well. :(
okay, end.

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