Self-control. The only thing that I have no idea whether I have alot of, or scarcely none at all.

maybe its this lack of it that's got me wavering for so many weeks on end,

or maybe its because I have this huuuge amount of it that I haven't got swept away already.

All I know is that I'm being torn apart and I have absolutely no idea what to do, so this cognitive dissonance is gonna kill me gradually till I find a solution to it. Nothing feels right without huge consequences and repercussions. 

I'm lost, and trapped like a bird stuck in a net. It's simply a matter of time before I'm taken away by the hunter, or die of thirst and hunger being stuck for too long. 

On a more comprehensive note, today was our first perf with legacy, the whole day turned out to be pretty 'meh', so many things we didn't expect, and I'm disappointed at my incompetence and complacency. But what's happened has happened, I believe everyone sort of learnt a lesson too. Don't worry about me, I'll just come back stronger after I fall. :) 

 But it was the most horrible experience for me(esp on my conscience) to perform with scaled-down stunts just because I wasn't competent enough thou, especially when you know that it is what you really really want and gave it all you got. I honestly feel this rarely in my life, and it is really mixing badly with my sky-high ego, haha.

And argh, I don't bruise easily, but its the first time in my life I have so many bruises man, all over my body! abrasions, blood clots, blue-blacks and the like. Felt so dizzy and had serious vertigo too many times today, all since that knock on my head! :( sigh. It really sucks to know you aren't as strong as you thought you were..

They (*amended because reasons) were there too, saw so many familiar faces, but unfamiliar expressions on them. Sort of cutting, don't you think so? I hold nothing against all that have been said in the past nor in the recent even, yes i know most of them, but don't worry, most of them are so untrue that time will prove you wrong in itself. 

Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can't touch me. heh

And next, my diet. I really need to reach the tomorrow in 'I will start dieting tmr' sometime. :/ damn!