“and here goes my story.”

September 2008 October 2008 November 2008 December 2008 February 2009 March 2009 April 2009 January 2010 February 2010 March 2010 April 2010 July 2010 August 2010 September 2010 October 2010 November 2010 December 2010 January 2011 February 2011 April 2011 May 2011 June 2011 July 2011 August 2011 September 2011 October 2011 November 2011 December 2011 January 2012 February 2012 March 2012 April 2012 July 2012 August 2012 September 2012 October 2012 November 2012 December 2012 February 2013 June 2013 December 2013 January 2014

Ended my full time job and decided that i'm gonna work on myself this month. I don't know what the hell am I doing,or have been doing this past year.
It's time I stopped hating, abusing this body and life i'm leading, and move somewhere, anywhere..
It's the First of december, 2013.
These past few months, I have been spiraling downwards, till someone(a bloody shrink, yes.) adruptly opened my eyes and all of a sudden I found that I had gradually descended into such a dark and desolate place, I wonder how I even stayed here unknowingly for such a period of time. But after thinking it through, its was not much of a surprise,  for something like this to happen to me, was simply inconceivable - due to my ego and what i don't know.
 I feel like I have no sense of the passing of time at all, looking at the world through a wall of glass, and right now december is merely a name for this time period i'm in. although it pretty much signifies that I've not completed any of my goals, and that time is really running short, and that i'd have been treading on this planet for a full 20 years soon, I can't bring myself to feel, or care, about anything at all.
The last time I remember feeling something at all, it was in September? Its all so numb, I've never felt like this before. And try as i might, I cant make myself view life with a positive outlook, because right now, all i can picture in front of me is so bleak and grey, it seems like i'm gradually walking towards the edge of a endlessly deep chasm, and when I fall in, I am sure to lose all hope of ever resurfacing. Run as I might, every step, every move I make, every short burst of strength that's all I can manage right now, to bring me away from this, somehow just makes me end up closer and closer to the edge each time, my efforts shattered to smithereens, mostly by the work of no other but my own hands. I do not know why or how I got here, but may this be a start, for me to speak and record. To lay out the confusion and mess I've gotten tangled in.
I will start by clearing my life up, brushing the dusty corners, discarding anything nonessential, and basically shedding this old skin that has already rotted away on me..
 ran a 10K at standard chartered today,
lost my wallet but a kind bus uncle is gonna return it to me tomorrow, thank god.
part time job mon-fri on all days, I seriously wanted to sleep early... what am I doing?

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